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August 09, 2004
The Commandments of Online Gaming (11-20)
The traditional ten commandments of FPS are too basic to deserve an article. Don't TK. Don't whine. Don't cheat, spam, type in all caps, lie, steal, block, camp in dumb places, or covet thy neighbor's ass. If you can't figure them out on your own, you should consider going back to minesweeper.
If you've managed to form this framework on your own, good for you. Let's move on to advanced game etiquette 201. This isn't just about winning, this is about being a gentleman (or gentle person - a/s/l?). If you think being a gentleman equates being a wuss, look up the gentlemanly art of Schlager Fencing. That being said, let's dive right in.
11 - Thou shalt be humble.
If you find yourself on the losing end of a battle, whether you've got the high score or not, attempting to elevate yourself above your teammates by proclaiming, "OMG my team sucks" singles you out as the poorest of sports. Once you've said such a thing it doesn't matter if your team sucks anymore, because clearly you're the biggest ass.
12 - Leaders seldom appoint themselves.
Few things are as bothersome as someone who spends their time telling other players what to do. So don't do it. Play your game. If you deserve to be followed, it will happen.
13 - Voice comms are for the game.
I was invited a few weeks ago to go on comms with a clan that was "21 and older". When I got into their TS server, I listened to the voice of a child telling everyone about his/her dreams the previous night. The kid needs some therapy. Oh, voice comms are for the game.
14 - Respect the Imaginary Que.
I have to admit that I've broken this one a few times myself. You know where a vehicle spawns, there are 2 people already standing in the spot, and you run up and spam the "enter vehicle" key, hoping your ping will rub out the others already waiting. I know the temptation, I know the need, but it's a crappy thing to do that none of us appreciates when done to us.
15 - Thou shalt apologize.
I've TK'd. You've TK'd. "Sorry for TK" doesn't take long to type.
16 - Name-calling is reserved for the weak.
I see far too many people casually calling each other by names that would make my grandfather blush (and he was a sailor). Race, color, creed, and lifestyle choice have no relation to a players game behavior. Being a jackass does, and if you think it's alright or cool to throw around racist terminology, then you've got bigger problems coming to you.
17 - Give credit when it's due.
If you suddenly get knifed in the back of the head when you thought you were alone, that's someone else's skill speaking for itself. Don't tell that person they were lucky, don't call them a jackass (unless it's jb), and certainly don't ask the admin to kick them. "Nice knife" will do, and generates peace and love and good happiness stuff.
18 - Admin doesn't mean God.
If you're an admin, congratulations. Remember that the argument, "It's my ball and if I can't be quarterback, I'm going home" was last used by David Jameson in the 5th grade. In the 6th grade, David left the ball at home and moved on to beating other kids up because they didn't like him.
19 - Don't feed the trolls.
Inevitably, you will find an unmonitored server that has someone breaking the rules intentionally. They'll hack, play dumb, call names, insult your dog, TK, and otherwise do everything in their power to make everyone else mad. These troglodytes are to be pitied and ignored. Short of kicking them, there is nothing you can say or do that they don't want you to say or do. Don't buy into it, they don't deserve your attention.
20 - Be the model.
Play like a champion, play with gusto and style. Play like the unique snowflake (with a gun) that you are. Great players don't just stand out because of their skills alone, they stand out because of their attitudes and willingness to be consistent despite adversity. Sticking by the rules is easy when everything is going your way, the real tests always come when your blood is boiling. Be better, play clean, and win beautifully.
Go forth and prosper!
Posted by at August 9, 2004 10:50 PM
